In Memory and Honor of my Friend Rashi

Rashi and I at Chabad/IJP Big Event 2012

Dear Parents and Friends,

Yesterday was the Funeral of Rashi.  As you can imagine it was heart wrenching, an experience no one should have to go through,  ever ever ever again, ever!

It is so beautiful how so many of you lovingly reached out, touched by the Life of Rashi, and asked what you can do in her honor.  Her 14 year old son Mendel has made a request, to please let his mother's good work continue, through the Chabad building campaign; you can make a donation Here , in her honor.  As Atlanta community members, as Chabad community members, we can let them know, we are with them in their pain.

But many of you want to DO something, for Rashi, for her family.  Do good! Do a mitzvah, in her honor, a real tangible mitzvah, light shabbat candles, study Torah, give charity, be kind to a friend, or a stranger, or better yet the person that makes it difficult to be kind to.  And on a daily basis, when you feel annoyed, or frustrated or like you want to control the situation, think about this, Rashi would say, "just let it be".  There will be so many situations where I know I can channel Rashi.  Don't make a mountain out of a molehill, let bye gones be bye gones, don't sweat the small stuff, live with joy, make a difference; These are all attitudes that Rashi lived- and it is not easy.  So please, when you do make the choice, in the difficult moment, to live this way, say it, say that you have been uplifted and inspired by the life of Rashi Minkowicz. As I will do right now, and pull myself up, and get into the Purim, spirit, because that is exactly what Rashi would tell me to do today!

      

My Friend Rashi

Wednesday, March 12. 

I am probably one of a hundred or so to say this but Rashi was one of my best friends. There are people who come into your life at different ages and stages and with my dear, dear Rashi, our relationship was born with her first week of shlichus in the exciting new suburb of Alpharetta, GA, and grew up with each child, program, party, BBQ, and simcha we shared together.

May her family be comforted among the Mourners of Zion. May we know no more sadness, and merit the redemption, speedily, enough is enough! Ad Matai!

I barely knew Rashi growing up, sure we had many connections and mutual friends in our intimate Chabad world, even sharing relatives. But the first time I really got to know Rashi was when they spent shabbos with us during their first months in Atlanta. I was thrilled to be having a young shlucha move in nearby- someone my age to share this life-long journey, in a foreign town. That first shabbos we hit it off immediately. Rashi was a breath of fresh air, so practical, oh so practical! and down to earth. Early on it was clear that I had so much to learn from Rashi;  her work style, her dedication and commitment to all she did, was truly revelatory. I had never met anyone with such a way about her.  She came to Atlanta and hit the ground running, it was clear if I wanted to keep up, I had to reach out to her, because she was zooming past me (I had 2 babies when she moved her, within three years we both had 3, and then our 4th within a week of each other, you do the math).  In the early days, when she had a camp, and we did not, I would drive out to Alpharetta (40 minutes each way) to bring my kids to her camp.  Some days, when line up was done, we would sit in her kitchen and shmooze over whatever cookies and cake she had freshly baked, or I would spend the day in the shops up North, specifically scrap booking stores, all while she was running camp and of course refusing my help or even camp payment.  She would wave and say, "Have fun making your beautiful scrapbooks! Keep me in mind".  When I think back, she allowed me a young mother of 3 to have a  summer vacation of sorts, while she was busy getting done, what needed to get done.  Rashi had much to get done, a fire (or baby) in her belly, no time for rest.  Certainly no time to scrapbook.  Of course she too cared about her photos and children's memories, but she would come up with a more efficient way to do it.  I could dawdle all I wanted, Rashi had things to do.

She was the most generous person in all her ways. I had never encountered someone who opened her heart and her home to everyone.  To her family, community and of course children and Hirshy.  She was generous with her time, you never felt rushed in her presence, (even though she had so much to accomplish), she was generous with her affection and she was generous with her things.  When we spent Shabbos in Alpharetta for Mendel's Bar Mitzvah, I scored a brand new pair of loafers for one of my twin girls.  They had been Alter's and he wasn't walking, they fit my baby perfectly, Rashi said, "here keep them".  Rashi was the opposite of materialistic, she used to bemoan to me that one day I should help her decorate her girls bedrooms.  I told her I could do it really cute and on the cheap at Homegoods, but there was just not time or patience to spend on such frivolity, that's what it felt like, coming from her.  Rashi did have her stuff that she loved.  Her kids always looked put together- matching, and come Fall and she had her new boots, leather jacket, bag and always a perfect Shaitel.  Unlike the rest of us, she had just a few "I  need's".     Rashi was the opposite of a snob.  She greeted everyone with the same amount of exuberance and tolerance. She was open with and to everyone.  She did not classify people, everyone had a chance with her. 

Everyone knows that Rashi's camp was the most popular destination for camp counselors. She loved the Bais Rivkah girls! And they loved her! I often wondered why that was? why did the girls who work for her have an intense sense of loyalty and adoration for Rashi? Why did they rise to the occasion become the best they could be, around her, helping her with her holy work? I think it is because just as there was not a stingy bone in Rashi's body there was not a judgy one either. I learned a lot watching the way Rashi interacted with these young girls, and more so from the way she spoke about them.  Highlighting the good, and when it was bad- well, she would just move on.  Everyone, including myself, felt safe and real with Rashi.  This is not to say that she didn't say it to you "like it is" and sometimes that can be hard to swallow, but you knew it was coming from such a real and true place. She was never afraid to speak her mind, never!  There was no claptrap with Rashi.  Not to herself and not to the world she interacted with.  Rashi was an open book, she told you how she was feeling, both the good the bad and the ugly.  And then usually, the very next hour, or day, she told you how she was feeling; the good, the happy and positive, and how she got there.  She would share the real and raw  personal work she did in making any situation better, because who could spend time on a disappointment or fail, when there was stuff to get done.   I have countless hours of  conversations  with Rashi, her being my cheer leader and sometimes; her letting it all out- and then snapping herself back into place, pulling herself up by the bootstraps,  "What needs to get done, needs to get done".  "What choice do I have" was an oft comment of Rashi's in our Rashi- Dena Kvetch Diaries (aka whatsapp dialogue of the past 3 years daily)- Rashi got it done. And without fanfare. 

She had so much to do.  I can now see that if your life is going to be short you need to get it all done now! I would often chastise Rashi, when she would complain that she felt overwhelmed,  and say, "let someone else do it", or "do it later" or "who cares", but no, she had a mission and needed it done. 

The stories of her food, gifts, and allowing all the counselors to use her washer and dryer all summer are legendary.  I remember coming into her home one summer evening and seeing about 14 young girls splayed on her rugs, couches and dining room table, all immersed in various stages of conversation, or i-pad/touch/phone media.  One girl had a red iced tea next to her, precariously wobbling on the plush white carpet. "oh, I always have to get new carpets after the counselors leave", matter of fact for Rashi, mind-bending to me.  This was her way, it is what it is, live in the moment. These counselors would come each summer and give of themselves, Rashi was going to make it the best possible experience, she had a goal and achieved it. Rashi's camp  was the most popular place to be, no holds barred, no argument made.  At times, this made me envious, while I had to work like everyone else,  to get  a group of counselors, she had them knocking down her door. 

If we would show up for a swim/pizza date with the Minkowicz's   there were always 3 other families there. Sometimes I would get annoyed that there was no exclusivity to our relationship, but quickly I leaned this was her generous heart. This past summer we went to Alpharetta to join in a Sunday dinner BBQ, I knew it would be us, the neighbors, the neighbors  friends and 18 camp counselors, I had no preconceived notions of any Schusterman/Mink intimacy. As it turned out, it was so hot outside that while Hirshy bbq'd and Eliyahu stood with a beer, Rashi and I sat down in the sweltering heat, swatting mosquitoes- enjoying the peace and quite away from all the "kids" and teens, and this was our first time, in forever, just the four of us, hanging out discussing our lives and enjoying each others company. When we left to go home, I marveled how it was the most enjoyable BBQ and we should do that more often, knowing full well, u don't get to have Rashi alone.

Of course Hirshy, and the kids, got to have Rashi all to themselves.  As dedicated as she was to her shlichus and life's mission, I always knew that she deeply loved her kids and Hirshy.  She would speak of her husband with extreme respect and always defer to his opinions, not because she had to, but because they were her opinions too.  They were a team.  Rashi cared and worried about her children, sharing articles, reading books and looking to constantly better herself as a mom.  She was a most FUN mom, baking, crafting and hanging out with her kids, tea in hand, sun in her eyes.  That is my vision of her, relaxed with a huge cup in her hands, squinting to the sun as one of the little ones is telling her his latest.   There weren't fancy after school activities or Sunday outings, for the most part,  it was good ol' home fun.  Rashi created a home that her children loved to be in, and most everyone else's children wanted to be there too. Barely a shabbos went by without friends of her children coming to spend the weekend. Minkowicz home was the place to be. It was loud, it was fun, it was loving.  It was real. 

As I was in Rashi's home today, holding her baby Alter, hugging him tight (not that he really knows me too well) I kept thinking about whatsapping Rashi to tell her about her precious kids, about the cute shoes I see on the floor from the wedding, and that I was standing at her stove making sauteed grape- tomatoes exactly like she would make them.  It was surreal.  At our children's school today, I wanted to call her up and tell her, "Rashi, they think you died, the ruse is up, it's ridiculous you should hear the things they are saying about you!"  and we would have a good, no a great laugh.

Last week, when Rashi posted yet another picture of her divine looking baked goods, for her Tea & Torah class, I whatsapped her to please, please put some in Tonia's back pack, right now, for me, for tomorrow.  Sure enough, Mira came home from school with a squishy brown bag, with 5 Hamentashen in it, it said "For Dena, (heart) Rashi" . 

Rashi, I am going to miss you too, too much!! You were such an awesome friend. I love you!