Of Exhaustion and Kindness

           (Leaving the Chuppah with my Two Brothers, one of my sisters and Mom) 

It is really important that our children be kind and nice and polite, even expecting an extra measure of goodness that when they don't display it we are can get exasperated.   We think we raised them to be better, or at least we thought we did, to be patient when their sibling is annoying them, to share a new toy, to have tolerance for every child in their class.  In the society we live in, tolerance, kindness, good deeds, are paramount. What we also need are reminders that it is an ongoing process, that will probably continue for most of ours and their lives. Recently while on a plane, where most life affirming events take place anyway, I was reminded of this fact. Good middot, or manners or acts of kindness are not easy to practice or matters of habit; they are hard work, constantly. I stood up at the end of a short flight but a long day. I was in NY for my first cousins wedding, stayed up dancing till late, up early to start the day visiting with family and friends and now it was after midnight on a much delayed flight. My legs were in agony, walking all day and low blood circulation at its finest. My body was achy; I just wanted to find my car, shower and get to sleep. As I rose from my seat right in front of me was a woman who looked similar to me. Many years older and wearier, but definitely one of my own with her hair covered as mine. In the instant that our eyes met, I had the most exhausting thought- that I must offer to give her a ride, spend 30-40 minutes walking at her pace through the airport, not my usual 15 minute dash, make small talk (which was worse at this hour? Not being able to walk my usual speedy pace, or talking- I did not know) and drive her to where she was going, out of my way but probably not enough to warrant not offering her a ride at this late hour.

I was miserable at the thought. Miserable that I felt compelled to the do the right thing and miserable about having to do it. She quickly asked me, “are you from Toco Hills?" I said "no, I am not. Is that where you are going?" With which she replied, "yes but my daughter in law is getting me". Whew! Was I relieved, what was left of my night could go on as planned. I smiled, I said goodbye, I hurried out of that plane, rushed to the escalator and made my way speedily to my car. But the entire drive home I could not get myself out of my head. I don't remember the last time feeling an obligation so heavy and unpleasant and then such relief at its termination. I'm a pretty helpful gal. I work hard and do my share of good deeds like the rest of them. Perhaps it was sheer exhaustion or something else, having to be there for a complete stranger. Whatever it was, here is how I would like to internalize this event. When my children don't want to be kind, I will now remember how difficult this was for me and I will not be astonished or confounded by their lack of good grace, I will understand that we all have good intentions and know what the right thing to do is, but sometimes, it is just so hard. It might be tiredness, stress, emotions, or plain bad mood, all of these things get in the way of doing good, now I hope to remember this and now I hope to judge you less and help you accomplish more.  It still doesn't me we don't have to do it---I just got lucky this one time.